Gum Drop Celestial Frontier

Update info here.

In which we admire the use of language in a title that could only be a game. Or a shit bunch of indie kids playing fey guitar music. Either/or.

Do you like hitting things, dear readers? I know I do. Or at least I would if it weren’t for the fact I have a punch about as likely to do damage as David Essex is to manage a successful and musically relevant comeback. In my head however, I am a viking warrior. Sailing the seas, raping and pillaging and burning villages. Because I can. My horned helmet atop my flowing manes, I hit harder than a hard thing that’s quite good at hitting and I do it with style, panache and a sexy wink. I SAID WINK! Or perhaps that’s just too much caffeine flowing through my veins. Who knows? I certainly don’t.

Gumdrop Celestial Frontier is a game about hitting things. Hitting things with heavy things to make them explode. It’s set in space though, so there’s no vikings. Unless they’re cunningly disguised as rocks. I wouldn’t put it past them either. Crafty beggars, vikings. Or perhaps they’re space vikings. In space. Doing viking things. Yes, perhaps that’s it…

So there’s this space base (a base, in space!) and it seems to cruise around happy enough most of the time. Except there’s these icky nasty people who want to stare at it intently so they pull up in their little parking spaces and stare at the space base. Unfortunately, they’re staring at it with laser eyes and it soon becomes clear that they’re not just in it for a quick gander at its majesty, oh no, they want to blow it up. The bastards.

There’s only one way to sort this out, readers, hit them hard in the face. Yes! HARD. IN THE FACE. Haha, they won’t show up again after you’ve done that. Well, until the next level anyway but y’know, this is a game not real life so that’s ok. It’d all be pretty short lived if you just hit a couple of alien aggressors with a large pendulamic (that’s not a word – Ed) rock until they shattered and it flashed a message at you saying “WELL DONE, YOU HIT A COUPLE OF ALIENS WITH A ROCK” and threw you back to the dashboard.*

So yes, guide your little craft around through various levels hitting things with rocks, collecting more rocks to hit things with and collecting a large amount of things to use as swingy death bringers against the other craft. And most of all, stopping them from staring at the space base, because that’s pretty rude. You wouldn’t like it if I sat there staring at you with my laser eyes would you? No, of course not. So don’t do it kids. Just say no.

It’s a bit fiddly at times, mainly because you’re swinging around a load of things to hit other things and ye cannae change the laws of physics and physics does this thing whereby hitty things bounce off other hitty things and cause a chain reaction of hitty things bouncing off other things and none of it really matters anyway because actually it’s quite fun so who gives a toss. Yes, let’s just hit things and be damned.

Did I mention I like hitting things? Gumdrop Celestial Frontier lets me hit things. Ergo, it’s a win.

This title was 200 Points at the time of writing this review but has since been reduced to 80 Points.

*note to developers, no that’s not a suggestion for a game so don’t even think it. Not even for 80 fakepoints.